If there's one thing more irritating than being kept waiting, it's being told by the surprised latecomer, 'the traffic was terrible.' I mean, when wasn't the traffic terrible?

On the other hand, anyone can be forgiven for being late if something totally unforeseen happens to them as they hurry to their appointment. Here are just some of the things that could prevent you from arriving on time without the delay reflecting on you badly in any way.

1 You were mistaken for Lord Lucan and detained by the police. The fact that you bear no resemblance to the vanished Earl, or that you are a woman, need not throw doubt on the veracity of your story. On the contrary. The last person Lord Lucan is going to look like if he is still alive is Lord Lucan.

2 You thought you were in Durban. Or, to be more precise, your digital quartz 24-hour international time-zoned watch thought you were in Durban and was showing a read-out of Durban time instead of GMT. This malfunction led you to believe that you had two hours more time than you in fact did. At moments like this, you remark, you wonder whether we wouldn't all be better off going back to sundials.

3 A jobless teenager threw himself in front of your tube train. This is a more melodramatic, more topical version of, 'I'm sorry I'm late - I had to wait more than forty minutes for a No. 52' - an event so predictable, an excuse so boring, that the person you have kept waiting will wish you had thrown yourself under the said No. 52. On the other hand, no one could have foreseen that an unemployed youngster would choose your tube train to convey himself to the great Job Centre in the sky.

4 The Prime Minister kept you waiting. Just as you are about to be denounced as a liar, as well as a loiterer, you explain that you have come from 10 Downing Street where you have been presenting a petition demanding a ban of nuclear-waste test-boring in the Cheviots.

5 A horse rolled on you. This explanation will so baffle people that they will hesitate to make further inquiries into the nature of the accident.

6 You were stuck in a lift - with, it needs to be said, an Ethiopian mural painter, and a member of the SAS who lowered himself through a trap door in the lift floor and abseiled to freedom down the shaft two hours before you and the Ethiopian mural artist could be rescued by the fire brigade.

7 The cloakroom attendant at the restaurant where you had lunch yesterday inadvertently gave you someone else's coat, identical in every respect to your own. You were returning it and collecting in return your own coat, which had your wallet containing £162 in the left-hand pocket.

8 You were given someone else's car by mistake when you went to collect your own from the garage.

The mix-up came to light when its rightful owner reported it missing - and an alert patrol-car officer arrested you and impounded the 'stolen' vehicle you had the misfortune to believe was your own.

9 You found a goshawk with a broken wing and had to take it to an RSPCA sanctuary.

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