It is quite possible that the reason you are £962.57 overdrawn at the bank is that your crippled grandmother, who has come to live with you, is putting an ever-increasing strain on your household budget with her dissolute sherry-drinking habits.

Unfortunately, your bank manager runs a bank, not a registered charity, and he will be quick to point this out if you tell him the truth. The cause of your temporary embarrassment therefore has to be something that he understands. Something of a technical rather than a human nature, eliminating flesh and blood, greed or need, generosity or compassion.

You are the victim of a silicon-chip malfunction. What has happened is this:

To make sure you stayed in credit, you have been conscientiously calculating, then noting, the new balance of your account every time you write a cheque or pay in money. But, unknown to you, the pocket calculator that has been assisting you in this responsible chore developed a fault on the plus and minus keys, reversing their respective functions.

Money that you had paid into your account was being deducted in your calculations, and cheques you were writing out were being credited in your cheque-stub notes. This led you erroneously to believe that you were £962.57 in credit, whereas you were in fact £962.57 overdrawn.

Your attitude should be one of deep gratitude that your bank manager has brought this technological fault to light before a serious mistake could occur.

Back to Art of Excuses Index