Bores are by their very nature, insensitive people, which is why they are so blissfully unaware of the paralysing effect they have on others. Fortunately, their lack of sensitivity makes them relatively easy to escape from without hurting their feelings.

At a party

Offer to top up the bore's drink and make a beeline with his/her glass for the bar. Bores are accustomed to being deserted in mid-drink, for reasons they have never been able to fathom, so your offer will immediately be mistaken for a friendly gesture. It is no such thing, of course. On the way to the bar, find a sympathetic friend and ask them to rescue you. ('Oh, Henry, there's someone I want you to meet. Please excuse us a moment, will you?') The bore will wander off to find a new victim.

In the absence of a friend, bung the barman or waiter a quid and tell him that in exactly three minutes' time you want him to call you away to a nonexistent telephone call, or inquire if you are the owner of the green and white Marina estate car.

In the absence of a friend or a friendly barman, spill your drink down yourself and rush off to the bathroom to sponge yourself down.

At a lunch or dinner party

Sciatica is a painful affliction, as any sufferer will tell you, but in your case it has imposed upon you the

additional handicap of being unable to turn your head or body to the left (if the bore is sitting on your left) or the right (if the bore is sitting on your right). 'I'm afraid I can't hear a thing out of this ear' is also a good conversation-stopper.

On a train or plane journey

Moving to another seat is the best solution, but not always possible. The only other alternatives are the fairly brutal ones of going to sleep ('Will you forgive me for nodding off - I've got a busy schedule ahead and two nights' lost sleep to catch up on?') or burying your head in a book or paperwork ('You're going to think me terribly rude, but I've had to set aside the entire journey to catch up on my reading. What a pity, because I would have enjoyed a natter .. .').

On holidays

There is no longer-lasting bore than the holiday bore. Prevention is better than cure: a stubborn refusal to be drawn into conversation, a polite rejection of all offers of hospitality. But to determined bores, even unfriendliness is no deterrent. You need a good lie.

For couples: Your holiday is a last-ditch attempt to save your marriage/love affair which is in trouble due to too much socialising back home. You have come away 'to find each other again*.

For singles: For reasons not entirely unconnected with national security, you have come away on your own because you 'need time to think'. Your problem is one you can share with no one.

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