Contrary to popular belief, the Post Office is not the Bermuda Triangle of delivery services.

It must have been lost in the post' must therefore be written off as a prospective excuse by every serious failure looking for someone else to blame.

1 You didn't have a stamp on you so you put it in the office mail, intending to reimburse the firm later for the cost of postage. Unluckily for you that very day the management decided to stage a series of spot checks to catch out employees sending letters at the firm's expense. Yours was one of the letters intercepted by mail-room security staff and passed on to the deputy managing director to take what action he felt appropriate. Before he could confront you with your crime, he had a heart attack. The file containing the various letters intercepted remained on his desk throughout his long illness, other executives being reluctant to involve themselves in such a sensitive issue. When the deputy managing director died in intensive care two months later, all the letters were quietly shredded to ensure secrecy and avoid a confrontation with the union. You would never have known any of this, but for the fact that your secretary's best friend is having an affair with the manager of the post room who confided in her the full facts.

2 You put it through the office mail on the day, you now realise, that there was a fire in the post room. A fifteen-year-old acne-scarred messenger girl has since been dismissed on suspicion of arson.

3 You gave it to a normally reliable friend to post who next day flew to America. A good excuse, this, if you then actually write the letter, put it in an envelope, and post it to a friend in America, asking him to post it back from over there. This restores your credibility and may even win you an apology.

4 You posted it while visiting the delightful open-air museum at Beamish, Co. Durham, where, lovingly reconstructed, are Victorian railway stations, turn-of-the-century shops, miners' cottages, and all the memorabilia of yesteryear. The displays included a lovingly restored example of the very first post box in public service, into which you popped your letter, failing to appreciate that it was an exhibit and only an exhibit.

Back to Art of Excuses Index