The polite response to the statement, 'We must have lunch some time' is 'Yes, we must.' If the first speaker has any sensitivity at all, the conversation should end there and the subject of lunch never be mentioned again unless the other person brings it up.

But determined would-be hosts won't let it go at that. They will try to bully you into committing yourself to a date, a time, and a place. If you don't find an excuse immediately for not being able to name the" day, you'll only have to extricate yourself from the arrangement at a later date, with the certain risk of another appointment being fixed.

In these circumstances, the answer to the question, 'When are you free?' is: 'I'll have to have a look in my master diary which unfortunately I don't have with me at the moment.' It's not difficult never to be in the same place as this fictional 'master diary', which is not to be confused with your desk diary or even your pocket diary.

Deaths and illness are not convincing reasons for not fixing advance appointments, unless they are genuine and can be corroborated. On the other hand, the death of a distant aunt who has named you as executor of her will is likely to leave you extremely busy for a number of weeks.

Another handy get-out is one much favoured by members of the Royal Family, who from time to time announce that they have 'cancelled all engagements until further notice". There could be any number of good reasons for a self-imposed withdrawal from social life for you, too. What about an extreme hardship diet that doesn't even permit you a lettuce leaf or a glass of water? Writers are forever telling people, 'Forgive me, but I'm not making any arrangements until I've finished this blasted book I'm working on.' There is no blasted book, of course, but no one ever knows.

The demands of organising the Parents' Association May Day carnival could equally necessitate a temporary retreat. 'I'd hate to have to cancel you - let's fix something when I've got my head above water' will be so appreciated for its brutal honesty that no one will realise you're lying.

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