Either you have got it and don't want to part with it, or you haven't got it, in which case you can't lend it even if you wanted to. Either way, the answer is No. They shouldn't have asked, but the onus is now on you to take steps to ensure that your refusal doesn't offend.

'I always make it a rule never to lend money to friends', has a firmness, a fairness, and a finality that you can temper by adding: 'I value our friendship far too much to put you under any sort of financial obligation to me. This was the very first lesson I learned from my father and, if you think about it, you will realise how right he was.' With luck, the matter will never be raised again.

Another way of saying No is to counter the request by holding out the begging bowl yourself: 'What an extraordinary coincidence.I was just about to ask YOU for a loan, but I had a much larger sum in mind, I'm ashamed to admit. Obviously we're in the same dire financial straits. God, isn't it awful being broke? Look, if you do find someone who will lend it to you, ask them for a bit more than you need and you might then be able to help me out..."

The answer, 'I'd lend it to you if I had it' for any sum under £500 is simply not believable even if it's true. They wouldn't have asked you if they weren't fairly certain you had it.

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