I have a phobia about staying in other people's homes and I make no secret of it. If I didn't have a phobia about staying in other people's homes, I would invent one to escape the invitations I ought to accept but would prefer to miss.

Another good excuse for being unable to visit people in their home is that you are working in your own home on a project that requires your day-to-day presence and attention, involving equipment or reference material that is either too great or too numerous to bring with you - such as two hundred reference books or half a ton of marble. Or your own home, possibly. 'I've promised not to accept any invitations away until the place is finished' is an excuse loaded with self-denial.

Not visiting people in hospital calls for a hospital phobia, with which most people would sympathise, or a communicable disease: 'I'd love to come and visit you in hospital, but would you thank me if...?'

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