If you have good reason to suspect that you might be bored to death at a social engagement or a business meeting, then you should plan your early escape in advance with a prearranged telephone call.

It's as easy as saying, 'I have to go.' All you have to do is ask your spouse/secretary/baby-sitter/friend to telephone you at the time you estimate you will be reaching your boredom threshold and to sound suitably grave when asking for you to come to the phone.

When you take the call, you can be confident that everything you say is being listened to with great interest by those present. The key phrases that will get you out of there are as follows:

• Is she hurt badly?
• Have you called the doctor yet?
• Oh, Christ!
• Why didn't you call me sooner?
• Wait there.
• I'll be right back.
• Of course!
• Tell the chairman I'm on my way.
• How bad is the damage?
• Do every thing you can.
• I'll be with you as soon as I can get there.

You then turn solemnly to your friends or business associates and tell them: 'I'm terribly sorry, but something's cropped up. It's rather important. Will you excuse me? I have to leave at once . . .' With luck you will be out of the building without having to reveal what the imaginary crisis is.

The beauty of this excuse, of course, is that, if you are having a perfectly delightful time when the prearranged telephone call comes through, you don't have to leave at all. All you need to be heard saying is, 'I'm having a wonderful time. I thought I told you not to disturb me.'

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