Defendant:
Why did you order the bailiff to dangle me outside the window?
Judge: I gave you a suspended sentence. |
Executioner:
What would you like for your last meal?
Convict: Mushrooms. I was always afraid to have them before. |
Guard: Why
is there a file in the fruit pie you made?
Prisoner: I ran out of apples. |
Judge: Are
all the statements you made true?
Defendant: All but all the parts I made up. |
Judge: Are
you going to confess?
Defendant: No, I'm not religious. |
Judge: Are
you proud of your criminal record?
Defendant: Well, I don't like to brag. |
Judge: As a
perspective juror do you believe in capital punishment?
Female Juror: No, I do not.
Judge: It doesn't matter. In this case a man is accused of losing $200 in a
poker game that his wife was saving for a new coat.
Female Juror: I may be wrong about capital punishment. |
Judge: Didn't
I sentence your father, too?
Prisoner: Yep, we're a family business. |
Judge: Don't
you ever listen to your conscience?
Defendant: Yes, but I get poor reception. |
Judge: Don't
you know that crime doesn't pay?
Defendant: Yes, but the hours are good. |
