I was out of town and I didn't have your address/phone number.

Believe it or not, I've been carrying around your card for a week. I kept forgetting to put it in the mail.

I didn't think you wanted people to make a big thing of it anymore.

I was staying at a place that didn't have a phone/fax machine/e-mail.

Gosh, you never seem to age, so I never remember your birthday.

Only negative people celebrate birthdays. if you don't pay attention to birthdays, you won't age.

Life begins at conception. You'll get my card in about three months time.

I thought we'd just celebrate when I saw you in person.

I was waiting until Monday.

I think you, like George Washington and Martin Luther King, should have your birthday celebrated by a long weekend.

I think birthdays are for kids. Besides, you forgot mine. Nyahhh, Nyahhh.

You are always saying you're a self-made man, and I didn't want to contradict you.

To tell the truth, I hate birthdays. It was my mother's eightieth birthday and we used those candles that relit every time you tried to blow them out. She kept blowing them out and they kept relighting, but while we were all laughing, she suffered a heart attack and died.